Do you need help with that, Nara-sama?
by Jeye
Summary: Not everyone could boast about having a haunted office ghost which doubles as a personal assistant. Short story in an AU where Sakura's an invisible ghost that helps the Hokage's advisor in paperwork, of all things.
1. The Only Chapter

He watched, in barely contained shock, as the stack of papers organized themselves meticulously, his cigarette dropping from his mouth. Never mind that Temari was always nagged at him for not disposing of it properly into an ashtray, he thought. He had already gone crazy to the point of no return, if he was actually observing an invisible being burglarise his office.

Okay maybe not burglarising his office but more like whipping it into shape.

Shikamaru took 50% responsibility for the state of his office. He was usually too lazy to organize everything according to meaningless categories like colour, country, village, type, whatnot.

His usual two piles on his table consisted of 1. Paperwork he hadn't gone through and 2. Paperwork that he had. Needless to say, the first pile was much bigger than the second.

"Why me?", he often complained, but one thing that he hated most about being smart, was that he always knew the answers to the questions that he didn't want answered. Shikamaru was known for doing only the necessary with the least amount of work, yet as the Hokage's advisor he received almost the most amount of meaningless paperwork in the village. It was too troublesome, really.

He took 50% responsibility because currently, half of his office was sparkling clean and organised due to this invisible "ghost". Shikamaru watched as the "ghost" glided around, making dust particles fly around it in the process. A sort of silhouette was formed, revealing this ghostly figure to be quite normal sized for a human being. Indeed, it had been a long time since his cupboards were last cleaned if such a definite shape could be made out.

This "ghost" not only took care of the organisation, he or she practically reinvented the place! His furniture was being dragged to more practical places and his books were sorted first in function, then in alphabetical order. Just as he liked it. How did the invisible being know? This ghost was psychic, that was official.

Or the ghost could be a woman. Then, he saw something that startled the bones out of his body.

He choked on his saliva. What, the hell, was that?

The "ghost" poured a cup of tea for him? Checking the office clock, he instantly understood its intention when he realized it was ten seconds before he usually came in on the dot at 8 am sharp.

As the clock struck 8, all movement ceased to exist, and he cautiously entered his office. He sat at his desk, and swiveled his head around for telltale movement from the ghost. Nothing happened.

He began gazing into no where and bringing his hands together into his usual thinking position. After concentrating for a few minutes, he came to a decision on the situation and spoke aloud.

"Hey Mr or Ms Ghost, I saw you organizing my office and I want to say thank you. Are you able to become corporeal so I could see what you look like? If you can't, please introduce yourself on this piece of paper before I get an exorcist. I would prefer you to introduce yourself though, calling up the church is such a drag."

A pen next to his hand was picked up by an invisble hand, making him jump at the sudden movement.

 _No,_ it wrote on the blank sheet of paper. _But I can tell you who I am. I am Sakura Haruno, your old friend and I really had nothing to do while dead after being killed by Sasori from Akatsuki so here I am. Honestly, Shikamaru, I expected your office to be a lot more organized but I guess your reputation as a lazy man has to be proven in adulthood one way or another. If you like, I could be an assistant since there is literally nothing to do in the world of the undead except talk to more dead people which gets boring after a few years. I even had to get special permission to haunt your office, so you better not exorcise me!_

Shikamaru was shocked, intrigued, and surprised at her proposal. He wondered on his next course of action and made a decision. He also pondered about the idea of Sakura being psychic and one day going so crazy that even her death couldn't stop her from paperwork. Shuddering at even the thought of _him_ having that fate, Shikamaru set fire to his train of thought.

"Sure", he accepted easily. "I really need an assistant anyways, and it would be a bother to hire one on my own accord and have to go through all the interviews and even more paperwork."

He looked in the direction in which he thought Sakura would be standing, or hovering, since she was a ghost.

"Thanks, though normally people apply for a job interview first, before doing the job." he drawled.

 _Oh I apologise for my rudeness on not submitting a portfolio despite being your dead ghost friend, Nara-sama. Could I apply for a job interview as your personal assistant?_

"No."

 _Nara-sama, I feel like haunting your office would not be so boring as the afterlife after all._

"Sorry, Sakura-san, I promise not to make fun of you for now," he hastily apologised.

 _Fine, I can accept that. I will start work today, and get your tea every morning. I will also help to organize your paperwork, advise you on decisions, and whatever the job requires. Thank you for hiring me, Nara-sama._

"Now that's the spirit."

He heard a slap resonating around the office walls, and realized it came from his right now very sore and very red right cheek. He grinned. Worth it.


	2. The First Chapter was a Lie

**Some of y'all wanted more so here it is :)**

 _Nara-sama, from now on I will be working across from you so as to watch your back and also because your office only has a single desk but 6 couches. I would ask why you needed 6 couches but the answer would be too obvious. Seriously? And I thought your lazing around couldn't get any worse after cloud watching. At least with shogi, you can exercise battle strategies._

"Sakura-san, I can't believe you think so highly of me."

 _I can't believe it either. Anyways, pass me half your paperwork stack will you? I bet you that we will finish this by noon, latest._

"Wasn't your previous mentor known for being the Legendary Sucker? I smell an easy way to earn some cold cash. Sakura-san, I bet that we can't."

 _Loser has to work on the floor tomorrow. With all your forgotten cigarette butts and collected dustballs. On the cold wooden floor._

"Deal."

Shikamaru smirked, Sakura thought that she could finish the work that he had been religiously piling up for the past month in 4 hours? Well a very good luck to her, for he was definitely going at his own pace and taking his time.

Honestly, the only reason why he even suggested the bet was because he was bored and watching papers fly over the floor would be a laugh tomorrow. In fact, he should take a break on his favourite couch No.2 right about now...

~3 hours later~

A gush of wind blew furiously into his ear. Shikamaru instinctively tried to cover his ear with his shoulder but the wind blew into his other ear and he ended up snuggling into the edge of the couch. He waved a hand away at the ghost, grumbling.

"Leave me alone, Sakura-san, I'm busy taking my mid-morning nap."he pouted into the cushion.

To retaliate, the ghost punched the Hokage's advisor right in the gut. Wincing in pain from the impact, Shikamaru yelled a very manly yelp and tossed his way down the couch, rolling over until he sat on the ground comfortably with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders for extra comfort. A sheet of paper fell down next to him. It read, _I've done my share and yours. Get used to your position on the floor, Nara-sama. And also, you have a visitor._

At this point, Shikamaru raised his head up to catch sight of Naru-he meant the Nanadaime, looking very amused at his position with a huge stack of paperwork. An idea struck his brain of over 200 IQ and he found it very funny indeed, grinning at the Hokage.

"Yes, Hokage? Is that more paperwork? Please give it to me now so that I can do it." he very nearly squealed. (But men do not squeal, they merely grunt in a higher pitched tone than usual.)

"No complaints?"a raised eyebrow conveying surprise nearly set Shikamaru into a fit of laughter.

"No, Hokage, I suddenly have a liking for paperwork today. Just today, of course. If you want to give me more, feel free to pass them all to me before noon." This excited Naruto Uzumaki. Less work, more time with friends and family? What a win-win situation!

"Alright, I will be right back dattebayo!"

 _You bastard._

"Sakura-san, I think I'll enjoy the sight of papers organising themselves on the floor tomorrow."

 _You're on._

Shikamaru reached forward to grab the stack of papers with the intention to hug them until noon when a ghostly wind passed next to him and the stack of papers were taken from his fingertips. It flew to the single desk in the room, where it began to be organised at a _rapid pace._

Shit, he thought. Usually when in a situation where his opponent was faster than him, Shikamaru would have shadow possessed the thief and forbid her to move, but _ghosts do not have shadows to possess._

Perhaps it was a bad idea to hire an assistant without a shadow. But Shikamaru was not the Hokage's advisor for nothing. He merely shadow possessed the stack of paperwork and went back to sleep on the couch. Effort made, he felt himself begin to snore. In the distance, he thought he heard a ghostly cry of frustration.

He grinned, Shadow Possession Technique Complete.

As the clock struck eleven, Sakura was smug and confident. Nara-sama deserved to work on the floor for his lazy tendencies and his poking of fun at her spiritual state. As the clock struck twelve, however, Sakura was in distress and frantically trying to remove the jutsu in vain from the _possessed stack of paperwork._

As ridiculous as it sounded, it was a real threat and Sakura was infuriated at the Nara. She looked at the pile of finished paperwork that stood tall beside the _one stack of unfinished paperwork that was really thin in order to aggravate her even more._ She was so close, yet so far.

The clock finally struck twelve, and Sakura knew that she was doomed tomorrow to working on the floor. With a despondent sigh, she lowered her head towards the ground in defeat.

Wait a minute.

It would not be so much of a punishment if...

The floor was more luxurious than the office.

Putting her mind to work, Sakura set herself on bustling around the entire office once more and _cleaning every speck of dirt off the ground_.

When Shikamaru came to work the next day, he raised an eyebrow at the floor.

The floor was spotless, covered in a luxurious rug that felt so soft that he took off his shoes before entering so as to preserve the rug. There was a makeshift work station on the floor with even a _coffee mug holder. Why would a ghost need a coffee mug holder._

A piece of paper drifted infront of him. It said, _Nara-sama, you suck. Please get a better office next time and let me be your interior designer._

 _"_ Oh. Um, sure. By the way, do you mind switching places? That rug looks really comfortable to nap-I mean meditate on."

 _We can share the floor, Nara-sama._

 _"_ Thanks Sakura-san, you're an great invisible ghost assistant."

 _I know._


	3. A great mortifying experience

**What if Sakura gave Shikamaru a massage?**

Blearily opening one eye, he yawned. A piece of paper floated down and somehow landed very violently on the desk in front of him.

 _SHIKAMARU! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND DO SOME WORK BEFORE I PUSH YOU OFF THE BUILDING AND MAKE YOU HAUNT THIS PLACE WITH ME!_

"Jeez...troublesome women..."

Shikamaru fully rose up from the dead/mid morning nap and shuffled to his desk, hands in his pockets. His chest heaved in a sigh of annoyance while sitting down as if the weight of the world rested on him alone, and his eyes darted down to look at more treaties and mission reports. Seriously, this is such a drag, who wants to know about the new Genin teams finding new, crueler, and more sadistic methods of capturing the demon cat Tora? Okay, maybe he was a little interested, but still.

For a country that had 7 rulers so far, its administration system was severely lacking. At least it wasn't as bad as Suna. Shikamaru shuddered at the thought. There was a reason why Sasori escaped the country and would rather be a missing-nin than be Hokage in Sunagakure. Shikamaru sometimes heard rumours where the Hokage literally went through every piece of information personally. Poor Gaara.

His ghostly sidekickasser let out a loud huff and continued going through the forms like butter. Whenever Sakura spotted anything curious or anything that was not coincidentally related, she jotted it down to show it to Shikamaru later. This long and tiring process continued until 2pm. When they finally finished the giant workload, both slumped in their seats with a loud sigh. Well, Sakura tried to slump back in her seat but she found that she ended up lying down horizontally instead.

Shikamaru was slightly jealous of her ability, having suffered many times when people unknowingly stepped on him when he lay down on the ground.

He twisted his back and felt his bones give a loud crack, eyes rolling into the back of his head from feeling his tense muscles relax. Office jobs were no joke, neck pains and spinal problems were common in office employees as parroted in every hospital and boy did he agree to that.

Suddenly, he felt two cool hands envelop his sore shoulders and _rub it right where he hurt._ Letting out a groan, he chose to slump forward onto his desk to provide his lovely and oh SO WOnderful assistant with more leeway for her hands.

Shikamaru never praised his own decision more. On a roll, he tried to rile her up to entertain himself in the meantime.

"You know, Sakura...if you wanted to make me mo-" One hand firmly grasped his mouth and forced it shut.

 _Shut up, unless you want me to stop._

"mwamemwag..." Shikamaru was engrossed in her actions, mentally noting to get her to teach him how to do it for himself because he had never felt so good getting a massage before. Never. And also he wanted a second trial session with the newest Sakura Spa because _that hit the spot right there._ He couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure, his arms and back turning into jelly under Sakura's gentle ministrations.

"Shikamaru, I thought I told you to put a sock on the doorknob if you had _company,_ " a voice suddenly and very slyly called out from beyond the door.

What a Shocker, Naruto the Supreme and Benevolent Hokage that Bested All the Previous Hokages was back to taunt him. Previously, his tiny challenge with Sakura had prompted his paperwork to be finished in record time, which for some stupid reason, gave Naruto the idea that Shikamaru could be dragged into more paperwork, which was why he struggled to finish his day's paperwork even with Sakura helping him now. Man, what a drag.

"There's no one here, Ho-" Sakura's hand brushed past a really sensitive spot and Shikamaru would never admit this to anyone, but he let out a _mewl of pleasure._

"Alright, Shikamaru, I respect your time with your little _cat_. I'll be back tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock to hand you more paperwork, because you have been amazing so far. I never had to do this little paperwork in my life! Speaking of which, remind me to give you a raise, for all your hard work."

Shikamaru grunted in response and heard Naruto's footsteps trail off. A ghostly hand drew a question mark on his back.

"Yeah, yeah, Sakura, I know. I'll use the extra pay to save up for your little interior design plan. Happy?"

In response, Sakura rubbed that sensitive spot at the back of his neck again before proceeding to swiftly hug him for a few seconds. Forget jelly, he thought. I have changed to liquid state.

He felt her hands reach down to knead the lower part of his back, and thought she must have hit a pressure point or something, because he slowly but surely, fell asleep. A light snore emerged from his mouth as he continued to appreciate the moment.

Sakura internally smirked at her skills paying off in the afterlife and impulsively decided to try something she had never done for anyone before. A full. Body. Massage. She had seen it in posters on the streets and figured that it couldn't be so bad if everyone wanted one. She hadn't learnt how to do that one yet, but she had trust in her hands and knowledge to do what she wanted them to do.

Honestly, he deserved it for putting up with her _and_ giving her the funding and freedom to design his office, it was the least she could do in return.

However, what Sakura didn't realise was that an advertised full body massage was not actually a _full body_ massage. And for some reason, Shikamaru shivered.

When he woke up, the clock was just striking 3. A strange sensation flooded his senses, and he prepared for his muscles to tense as usual, but it never came. He felt like a newborn baby, there were no other ways to describe this feeling. Every nook and cranny of his body felt nimble, every ache and pain gone. Even the little ache down there when he was thinking about less innocent things- No way. She did not just-

"Sakura! Did you take off my clothes while I was asleep?"

 _Yes, I decided to give you a full body massage as a gift of appreciation. Was it satisfactory?_

 _"_ Sakura, full body massages only cover the torso, the scalp, the arms and the lower half of my legs. Not the butt or anywhere that is in front of the butt."

 _Oh. I see. Well..._

And with a swish of the wind, Shikamaru felt Sakura make her (embarrassing) quick escape. Dragging a hand down his face with a groan, he realised that his nails were unchipped, clipped, and moisturised. He had an inkling of what had exactly happened in the last hour he was napping and it made his already spiky hair stand on edge.

Instantly checking the other parts of his body, his horrified suspicions were proved correct when he felt his ponytail definitely more silky smooth than before, his earrings polished, his face was unblemished and _what the hell Sakura why is my pubic hair trimmed._

Sakura had made him a patient at her spa, but what Shikamaru was most concerned with was _how did he not feel her stripping him down_.

 **In the distance, an author cackled evilly.**


	4. Sakura please don't leave

_Go to hell, Nara-sama._

"But you'll be bored waiting for me to drag you down with me. I would never subject you to that torture, my dearest cherry blossom-san."

 _Nara-sama, I hate you._

"It must be difficult being around the presence of someone as hilarious as me, though I can't relate."

 _I resign as your assistant. Have fun with the extra paperwork._

"Wait no Sakura, I mean: I'm extremely apologetic for your bad mood, could I do anything to make it feel better? I have the catalog for possible interior designs ready for you to read, as well as-"

 _I mean it._

"Sakura! Don't do this to me! I can't suffer through Naruto's bullshit alone again!"

"My what?"

"Nothing, Hokage-sama."

 _Fine, but as a reward for staying I get that catalog as well as free reins to do whatever I want today, no objections._

 _"_ It sounds like a really bad idea, but I agree to your terms because I don't think I have enough energy to spend effort finding a new assistant as capable as you."

 _I'm flattered. Also, your visitor has been waiting outside for the past 2 minutes now and judging by her knocking I can conclude that she is seconds from breaking the door down._

True to her words, the incessant knocking now became increasingly audible quickly, with a muffled voice shouting, "Hey, could you let me in? I'm sweating in your god damn leafy humid climate!"

Shikamaru possessed one of the puppets near the door to open it, before quickly swiveling his chair to have his back face the guest to show off his mysteriousness. He had to make a right impression to the delegate, after all. He heard the guest walk in, and slowly turned his rolling chair around, hands in the thinking position as a display of dominance.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the diplomat from the Land of Snow herself." Truthfully, he could tell who she was by her _annoying_ voice screeching at the top of her lungs but decided to keep up the false pretense anyways.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I need to discuss with you this new treat we've been considering with other countries..." Shikamaru felt his eyes start to droop already. It was 2 o'clock, his nap time was starting in an hour, and he had just finished his day's paperwork. Forgive him if he wasn't really interested in the crop gains of the Land of Snow and how it would benefit the squirrels in Konohagakure.

Although, that did not even make sense because the Land of Snow wasn't supposed to be that abundant in crops due to their shortage of fertile soil and suitable weather. Ah, the mysteries of the ninja world.

It was around then that he realised that Sakura was writing on the floor next to him, probably sitting cross-leggedly for comfort. He added some intellectual input to keep the discussion going, before returning his attention to the note that was just placed into his lap.

 _I think the blonde just passed gas before she entered the office because she looked really satisfied just now._

Shikamaru almost snorted but held his mouth, determined not to expose his secret and ruin his cool exterior. He paid no attention to Sakura from then on, getting into the vigorous debate on how rice was better than wheat. His opponent, he meant visitor, started to get really riled up and loudly ranted about the beauty of wheat and how it kept the ecosystem running as well as how the Land of Snow really needed wheat because there was almost no place to farm hence the treaty in the first place.

During her rant, Shikamaru took a quick peek at the multitude of notes that gathered on his lap, one being arguments he could use about rice being better than wheat, as well as several insults on why of course her looks would make her think that wheat was better than rice. Shikamaru kept a straight face, but he couldn't prevent his snort that came out, though he managed to quickly disguise it as a cough.

His guest did not pay him any attention, choosing to continue yelling about wheat in her annoying high pitched voice. Shikamaru decided that a new poker face was necessary, trying for a bored look instead.

 _Hey, do you want to know what Kakashi's face looks like? I managed to peek before I died but I never managed to tell anyone else in time._

Now this peaked his interest. He watched as the pen started to draw out an oval, which was pretty accurate except Kakashi definitely had fluffy hair and a pointed chin judging by the shape of his mask. It drew a very _simple_ version of the forehead protector, choosing to replace the leaf symbol with a flower, and two circles for eyes.

Shikamaru was not a hundred percent sure, but he was certain that Kakashi's eyes did not look like two doughnuts that looked as if they were melting in the heat and had a cameo in _The Scream._

The pen drew two pointed lines for a nose, and a sideways D for the mouth. In the corner of the mouth, she drew what looked like an infinity sign filled in, which Shikamaru guessed was supposed to be a mole. He was, however, horrified that Kakashi's teeth had possessed the bright shining sparkle that was present in Gai sensei's smile.

Shikamaru would have called Kakashi Kakashi sensei, but he had lost too much respect for the porn-reading man at that point. If a jounin, ANBU commander, and Rokudaime could kill an entire army without so much of a sweat yet blushed at the thought of saying porn out loud, he simply didn't deserve Shikamaru's honorific.

It would be a joke if he did, anyways. No one called him Kakashi-sensei anymore. Not even Naruto. Respect by age was dead by now.

"Hey, are you listening to me? I'm trying to talk about the very important issue of wheat being better than rice!"

He answered with one of the reasons that Sakura had prompted him with, having had zero to little patience for dealing with the diplomat in the first place. Unfortunately, he must have read the wrong one, because the next thing he knew,

Slap!

The diplomat was pissed off and left her seat, stomping out of the office and slamming the door shut.

 _Thank god that annoying girl is finally gone._

Wondering what had triggered her angry leave at that point in time, he realised Sakura had switched out the note about arguments for the note about her looks.

In particular, this note he just read out said, _Didn't your mum tell you to eat every grain of rice or you'll get as many pimples as rice grains left in the bowl? Yeah I can see you didn't listen._

Groaning in embarrassment, he turned to look at where the notepad he gave Sakura as a welcome gift was levitating.

"Sakura, that diplomat was in charge of trade relations. We're hardly going to get people to pay for missions there now."

 _Not my fault._

Remembering her earlier terms, Shikamaru groaned once more and held his head in his hands, mentally preparing for the headache Naruto was going to give him for pissing off such an important person.

True enough, Naruto did with a smirking diplomat nodding behind him. Shikamaru gave up on listening and started dozing off.

"Shikamaru! Hey, listen to me when I'm talking to you!"

Blearily eyed, Shikamaru rubbed his eyes and gazed back at the Hokage looking bored until he left. One last piece of paper remained in his hands.

 _You know, for a guy who hates trouble, you sure like troubling others with your 4 syllable name._

"Thanks, I got it for my birthday."

 _Nara-sama._

"Fine."

 _Finally, peace and quiet. You can go home now._

Shikamaru shook his head and left, leaving Sakura alone in the office.

Sakura, having free reign of the office for the next 6 hours. smirked in delight.

Rubbing her ghostly hands in glee, she set to work, bustling about the entire place, shaking her head finding weird things in weird places, and rearranging everything according to plan.

The next day, when Shikamaru entered his office at exactly 8 o'clock, he was surprised to find _his entire office upside down and how was that hot cup of coffee not spilled._

 _Good morning Nara-sama, did you have a good day?_

"How troublesome. This is on, Sakura. You're gonna regret doing it, I promise."

 _Oh? Bring it on, sister._

 **I always thought that Shikamaru would be great at plans, I can imagine him saying, "_ complete" when the prank is successful! I'm so hyped to write the next chapter but I have to think of actual pranks for _Shikamaru to_ carry out so yeah that's gonna be a nightmare.**

 **Reviews=updates! :) Feel free to review or PM some prank ideas!**

 **If you need more Shikamaru in your life, check out my other oneshots too yeah:)**

 **Omake: In which Shikamaru is at Sakura's mercy and she starts a roasting session about him**

 _You are at my mercy._

"No I'm not you trouble-" His jaw was slammed shut and he found that he couldn't speak.

 _Shut up, I bet you think you can defend yourself, but this is my time. Suffer at my wrath._

 _Naruto protects Hinata with Rasengan, Sai protects Ino with Ink, and Sasuke knows that I don't need protection. You? Temari protects you with her fan instead._

Shikamaru was appalled.

 _Your mother is so unimportant that the only mother you respect in canon is laziness, the mother of bad habits._

Shikamaru was insulted.

 _You're so lazy that even though you were one of the few people to resist Kabuto's genjutsu, you went to sleep anyways._

Shikamaru...silently confirmed that fact.

 _You're so unmotivated that the only motivation you have is to not do anything._

Shikamaru was slightly overwhelmed with self criticism but found that statement true.

 _You're so slowmoving that you only finally went onto the swing in the playground when you made Chuunin._

Shikamaru found that statement true, and was a little disturbed at how much Sakura knew about his life.

 _You're so girly that you fangirled over Sasuke in the Academy._

Shikamaru found that statement very untrue, and tried to protest, only to find a photograph of the scene shoved into his face. On the photograph, an emo Sasuke gazed at nothing emotionally while in his emo corner and Naruto sat next to him grimacing at all the girls in the corner, Shikamaru included, fangirling over Sasuke with hearts in their eyes.

He felt the control over his jaw disappear, but he still didn't speak because he was too confused and having an existential and sexuality crisis.

 _You're welcome Nara-sama._

 _Lots of Love (LOL),_

 _Sakura_


	5. Battle between Intellectuals

**Prank War Day! Rules: The first to successfully get pranked, loses.**

As Shikamaru walked into the office as per usual, Sakura's head went through the plan. She obviously had territorial advantage, due to not having been able to leave the office, and had not seen Shikamaru prepare any props for his shadows. The room was still currently upside down, but Shikamaru didn't seem bothered by it. Narrowing her invisible eyes, Sakura floated down towards Shikamaru, intending to make her first prank.

Well, what was supposed to be the first prank after Shikamaru had successfully evaded the classic chalk eraser on the door prank. He raised a single eyebrow.

"Really, Sakura?" He questioned with a smirk, and set off his plan.

Sakura gave a huge smirk of confidence as she had laced the entire office with invisible trip wires, as well as an invisible whoopie cushion on his chair, and even the broken pencils and pens with no ink. Unfortunately, Shikamaru seemed to have come prepared, for he gingerly stepped over all the wires with amazing precaution and wiped off the cushion from his chair. He then procured a pencilcase from his pocket and smirked into thin air.

 _You know, you look really stupid when you do that, Nara-sama._

At this, several kunai flew towards him at unmatchable speeds and deadly accuracy, pinning him to the wall, where he proceeded to look in horror at the bucket of white glue and feathers which would surely stick to every part of his body.

"I feel like turning into a chicken would be a more suitable prank for Sasuke. Why, did you have to reuse that one?" He smirked and freed himself in an instant, jumping away from the kunai on the wall.

A growl seemed to come from right in front of him, and the bucket of glue and feathers was thrown towards him. Shikamaru swatted away at it like a fly.

"Now now, Sakura-chan. There's no need for violence in here." He scoffed at the thought, but smiled widely just to annoy Sakura further.

Sakura was confused, why wasn't Shikamaru doing anything? He usually moved some of his "pieces" by now, but all he had been doing the whole time was dodging! Unless, these dodging was intentional and she was playing right into his trap...

Shikamaru was sweating, he forgot to come up with a plan because he knocked himself out right when he shunshinned home and had only woken up a few minutes before 8, resulting in a mad rush to get to work on time.

Sakura decided to make her next move, by possessing some posters on his walls.

The kunoichi on the advertisment giggled at Shikamaru, batting her eyelashes as though she was going through a seizure. This caught his attention and distracted him for a few seconds, during which Sakura brought a stamper and flew towards him, intending to stamp the arrogance out of him. Cornered, Shikamaru knew that there was no where to run, and accepted his fate.

Maybe Naruto would give him an even bigger raise since he would receive the mark of the Hokage on his head, quite literally.

Then...POOF!

The bunshin dispelled, leaving a ghost to scream at the nothingness of the room. Where the hell was the original? Looking up, she saw nothing and prowled around the office before realising that the room was locked from the outside.

Outside the office, Shikamaru yawned and made his way to the Hokage's office.

"Shikamaru, what can I do for you today?"

"Oh nothing Hokage, but you wouldn't mind if we switched offices for the day right?"

"Aa, sorry Shika, I can't do that. There's this really important meeting that my important papers need to be done for-"

"Two days."

"Three weeks." They instantly started bargaining like two civilian women fighting over the last fresh fish in the market.

"Three days."

"Two weeks."

"Five is my highest. You eat like a horse."

"One week is my lowest. Your pay could feed an army of dragons, just let a horse be happy for a while."

"Fine, a week. But if I receive news that I'm out of money, I'm taking expenses directly from your wallet."

"Hey! There's no way-"

"Naruto."

"Fine. What did you want to do with my office anyways?"

"Oh, nothing, Hokage, the location isn't very important anyways.

In an instant, Shikamaru pushed the Hokage into his office, mentally reminding himself that the Hokage's office was Nara Shikamaru's office now. He smirked.

 _Nara-sama, why am I...Is this Naruto's office?_

"Yes, Sakura. And guess what?"

 _I don't want to know, Nara-sama._

"You're such a drag Sakura."

 _And you're troublesome, Nara._

"Aha! But anyways, Operation Prank Sakura is now complete."

 _What?_

With this, a large container of paint spilled from the ceiling, staining everything orange. Shikamaru shielded himself in time, but Sakura wasn't so lucky. A visible orange hysterical ghost was an unstable ghost and she knocked into the desk on accident with an _oompf_. Following that, her entire body was drenched in white glue, before feathers covered the entire floor.

"Ha!"

Naruto would be ecstatic at the new paint job for his tiles, but Shikamaru's main concern was to gloat about his success.

"You see, Sakura, you had to stay in my office the entire time. so I had to get a way to make sure that I got an advantage over you. You see, you were fooled by my bunshin that entered into the office this morning when you tried attacking him with your schemes, when actually, my original self was in the Hokage's office all night preparing my traps."

At this point, the word 'trap' had triggered some sort of audio sensitive trap, which proceeded to fill the room with gusts of wind, blowing about the ghost as she tried to keep still for more than a second.

"Your idea was the one that gave me the idea to use feathers, you know. When my clone dispelled, the supposedly tossed away bucket was left under the shadow of the table, unnoticed. Using my Shadow Transfer Justu, I managed to use your attack against you. As for the wind, it is simply a trick that I knew about Naruto's office, due to him being a wind elemental."

Upon hearing Sakura's struggle cease, Shikamaru stopped all restraints and let the ghost rest for a while. Seeing no further reaction, he continued his monologue.

"Sakura, I now have territorial advantage, as well as the power to toss you around like a paper doll. Admit defeat to this prank war, Sakura-chan.

A piece of paper dropped down into his hands. Tilting his head slightly to read it, he read:

 _How about no, Nara-sama._

With this, he felt someone knock him over, where he proceeded to trip on a wire and fall flat onto the orange paint. A feather flew onto his head, as a sort of cruel joke.

 _If I have to lose, no one can win. You see, Nara-sama, when you were giving that boring monologue, I had set up my wire discreetly. Surely, you did not think that I came unprepared._

With his face squashed into orange paint, Shikamaru contemplated the meaning of life, before groaning, "Troublesome." He lay his head down and felt himself dozing off.

Squealing silently in indignation, Sakura folded another note into a paperplane, aiming to throw it straight at his head.

Once she let go, however, it switched direction and jutted her back.

The note read, _You Lose._ She stomped on it, hard.

With a grin, Shikamaru released his Shadow Possession Technique (complete). With the sound of ghostly angry flurries behind his back, Shikamaru thought about the week's worth of ramen that he now owed Naruto. Maybe if he saw his orange office, the debt could be lowered to 5 days?

Shikamaru felt like groaning at the thought of his poor abused wallet that was about to get a lot thinner, but knew it was worth it.

"Hey, Sakura-chan?" Shikamaru felt like saying something.

 _What, Nara-sama?_

 _"_ Thank you for being my assistant. It's been a long time ever since I had that much fun with anyone, at least ever since I became the advisor to Naruto."

 _What torture._

"Yeah, well, take it or leave it, I'm just thankful for your efforts."

 _Nara-sama?_

"What?"

 _I'm lactose intolerant, and those words were so cheesy I got sick._

 _"_ Apologies, Sakura-chan, I did not mean to bedazzle you with my sudden bout of pure manliness."

 _Nara-sama, please just shut up, you turned me into a chicken, and you're lying face down in orange paint, I have little to no respect for you currently._

"Oh sorry, Sakura, did I insult your pride as a chicken? At least you know Sasuke will always be on your tail now."

Shikamaru felt a slap on his right cheek once more. He felt exhausted from all the techniques needed in the prank war, and decided to sleep for real. "Worth it," he grunted absentmindedly.

Several hours later...

"Shikamaru, what-What happened to my office?!"

 **Hey guys, this wasn't a very devious chapter, but it was the best I could come up with with my mental block currently. I've recently done a oneshot about Kakashi challenging Gai to a contest between Eternal Rivals to shut Gai up for once, and it would be nice if you could check it out:)**

 _"I challenge you, Eternal Rival, to a Challenge against me, the Hip and Cool Kakashi, on Who Can Last The Longest Amount Of Time Without Talking About Eternal Youthfulness or Flames of Youth or Anything related to Youth, Poses, Green Jumpsuits, Sunset Genjutsus, Sparkling Smiles, Somehow Talking With Words that Start with Capital Letters and Basically Being Overdramatic."_

 **Because of this mental block, I might have to end this fic either now or soon... But you know what drives me? Knowing that there are 15 people waiting for the next update! Thank you to all those who favourited, followed, or reviewed this fic and an especially big thanks to user Naomipy for reviewing two chapters in a row! Your support is truly appreciated 3**

 **Since I'm writing, I might as well continue with alternate endings...**

Sakura was covered in blood red paint, and this was when her rage began to truly show. Upon seeing her crimson eyes, Shikamaru only had one thought.

"Oh shit."

As Sakura decided to fly right towards him with a pissed off look on her face, driving him through the walls of the Hokage Tower. As he landed on one of the training grounds with an Oomph!, Shikamaru decided not to piss his assistant off again. While the threat to resign was no longer an issue, he withered when he thought about her using chakra enhanced strength on his desk that took _forever_ to get.

* * *

Shikamaru was covered in orange paint, the same one that covered the Hokage's floor.

As Naruto returned to his rightful office, he couldn't help but shiver at the suspicion that there was someone there.

Their chakra was right there, and it couldn't be any of the ANBU, since they were taught to always hide their chakra. But where was this invisible person?

BANG! His drawer opened with a crash. He watched as part of the floor began...rising up and riffling through it? it seemed to form into the shape of a...human arm?

The Hokage sensed danger and pressed a seal that would transport him to the nearest safety zone, intending to make a report on this particular new kekkei genkai.

Shikamaru chuckled, retrieving the lone brown leather wallet that belonged to the Hokage.

"The ramen won't come out of my paycheck...Hokage..."he smirked, fantasizing about the look on the Nanadaime when he realised that he was paying for his own "free flow" of ramen.

Indeed, Shikamaru was a devious man.


	6. Getting a Girlfriend

**The last chapter didn't really get any support, but I'm still determined to at least make the story feel more complete, hence the update!**

 **Enjoy!**

Shikamaru never thought that his life would come to this. Then again, Shikamaru didn't really care anyways, because it all worked out. He had a stable job, his life somewhat peaceful. He was surrounded by his old Academy and Genin friends, be it his superior or personal ghostly assistant that came back from the dead to do paperwork. He even had a presentable workplace, especially since his office was revamped by Sakura recently.

Sighing in contentment, he lay his head onto his new couch, which was unfortunately the only couch since Sakura flat out refused to include more couches " _for you to waste away on!"._

 _Nara-sama, are you ever going to get a girlfriend? It seems that every other attempt to get you to be motivated fails!_

"But Sakura-san, in order to do that I'll have to _go out._ I'll have to _talk to good-looking strangers._ I even have to waste my time _planning out dates and finding a girl who won't reject me._ It's just too much unnecessary effort, you know?" Shikamaru grunted out somehow, turning his head to face away from the paper.

The paper smacked him upside the head.

Groaning, he pushed himself up from his very comfortable position to read Sakura's message.

 _Nara-sama, you're the Hokage's advisor for crying out loud. Girls would have to be silly to turn away someone like you. Besides, wasn't one of your goals to settle down with a nice civilian girl and stay in the same house forever? How are you going to achieve your dream if you don't work for it?_

 _"_ But Sakura-san, I do work. I work all day as the Hokage's advisor, on top of rare missions. Which is why I simply do not have the time to do things like that. Ugh, women are so troublesome even when their dead..." Shikamaru protested before lazily lying back down on the couch to rest.

The paper was folded by ghostly hands into a sort of paper plane, but a pair of scissors joined in and started snipping at the ends. Wait, Shikamaru pondered. Why would she fold a paper plane? And why is she cutting it as if she was carving it into a particular shape?

When the paper plane started resembling a kunai, Shikamaru quickly thought over what he did that could have offended her. Surely it wasn't the comment about women, he had spoken about his respect for women so many times that Sakura-san surely knew better than to take him seriously. Panicking, Shikamaru raised both hands up and awaited his punishment.

As it got harshly jammed into his arm, Shikamaru winced in pain.

"Sakura-san, you hit like a man." he commented as he unfolded the paper airplane.

 _Nara-sama. I demand you get a girlfriend or I will stop doing your paperwork and leave you to suffer by yourself while I laugh silently in the corner and constantly plotting your demise._

 _"_ Hm. Troublesome."

And with that, Shikamaru thought of some ways to get a girlfriend in the most trouble free and direct way possible. Internally he knew that it was not possible, for women were just too troublesome for that wish to ever come true.

* * *

"Hi, I'm here to apply for the job that is displayed in this advert? I believe it is titled "Shikamaru's feeder and caregiver". I feel that I am very suited for this job as I absolutely love taking care of children, and I am satisfied at how the wage is more than acceptable, much more than the usual babysitter-"

"I think that you may be having a misconception. I am the Shikamaru Nara that the advertistment was referring to. Are you still interested?"

"Well, I certainly thought you would be a bit smaller than this but that is fine too, size doesn't matter when caring for someone."

"Alright, Yuki, you are now hired. Remember the job critieria: Don't be troublesome."

"My name is Yamada, Nara-sama."

"...troublesome...you're fired."

"What?"

"It's too troublesome to explain, really."

* * *

"Yo! I am here to present myself capable of this mission! Indeed, it may be an S rank mission but I am prepared to forfeit my life for Konoha!"

"Perfect. This mission is a local mission. The job objectives: Feed, intimately care for as well as help Shikamaru Nara and be labelled "Shikamaru's girlfriend". Mind you, this mission is not for the uncapable, as the number one objective that you cannot fail is "Don't be Troublesome." If accepted, you shall receive the standard S-rank payment first before successfully completing the mission. Time duration: For as long as Shikamaru needs to do paperwork."

"..."

"Great, I see that you understand, you are now hired."

"Hai, Nara-sama. As the ANBU Head, I will accept any mission."

* * *

 _Is that...Rabbit?_

"Yeah."

 _Is she...hugging you?_

"Yeah. I got a girlfriend, as you asked."

 _Shikamaru, her mask is still on._

"I know."

 _Rabbit-san, why are you here?_

"My mission details are to remain a secret, Sakura-san."

 _Shikamaru, you FORCED an Anbu commander to be your girlfriend? What the hell is wrong with you? Rabbit-san, are you okay? I swear I will crush Shikamaru if he even tries to lay a single finger or shadow tendril on you, that lazy prick._

"Jeez, I didn't force her into anything. I just labelled it as an S-rank mission, told her the details and she accepted it. Simple."

 _Why did you have to make it a mission? Couldn't you go out like a normal person and meet a pretty girl, chat her up and ease into a relationship?_

 _"..._ the effort was too much. Besides, I did try another method, but the job applicants kept thinking it was a babysitting job."

 _You what?_

"It is true, Sakura-san."

"Troublesome...Your mission is terminated Rabbit-san."

 _"_ Hai, Nara-sama, I will return back to ANBU Headquarters now."

"Go."

 _Nara-sama, I demand that you pay her for putting up with your nonsense even if it was only for a day._

 _"..._ Troublesome. But fine, you're always going to be a drag anyways."

 _Stop talking about what a drag I am before I drag you back into the underworld with me._

"Well, I did want to have a good shogi match for a while now, and no one actually matched Asuma-sensei's and Otouto's standard...Hm"

 _NARA-SAMA, SHUT IT._

"..."

 _finally, some peace._

 _"..._ tiring."

 _yeah well, still-DID YOU JUST DOZE OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR CONVERSATION? I KNOW IT'S TIME FOR YOUR MID DAY NAP BUT I'VE TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT AT LEAST A DOZEN TIMES! OI, NARA-SAMA, WAKE UP!_

 _"zzz"_

 _Nara-sama..._

She let her pen stop halfway during her writing. Smiling, Ghost Sakura lifted his coat over him and kissed his forehead. He was truly annoying. She wondered if he realised that when she wanted him to get a girlfriend, she was just trying to distract him from her increasingly weird behaviour during their conversations.

You see, the undead was never meant to come back, and even if they did, only periods of a time. Sakura had chosen to come back because of her childhood crush that never got the peace he desired. Sakura felt her body's movement become sluggish no matter what she did to try to curb it. She knew that her time was coming soon, and hopefully Shikamaru would lead a happier life. Naruto was doing well, and Sasuke's reaction if she had chosen to haunt him instead would have been terrifying. Ino was...not a good person to haunt.

At all.

And she selected him, as her intellectually capable partner in crime. She cared for him, and showed it through her helping out Shikamaru and making up ways to brighten up his life, so that he wouldn't be so sad and lonely.

Her job done, Sakura rested in the corner as per usual. She knew that if she slept later than normal, she would not be able to wake up in time. Each day her movements were more exhausting, and had to sleep a little more. It was a slow painful process, but Sakura would rather go through it then leave without a trace in an instant like she did the last time.

She closed her eyes, and slept.


	7. Sasori in Limbo

**Fun little oneshot(?) about what happened to Sasori!**

Sakura was dead. No, she was not laughing at a stupidly funny picture on the internet, but she was instead dead by Sasori's hand. It was a funny thing really. One minute, she was punching that stupid puppet's face in and the next minute she was lying on the floor, paralysed by Sasori's poison. Her previously injected antidote was not the right one to the poison he used, which she should have expected after all. Why should a master of poison only rely on a single updated one?

Sakura was not only dead, but she felt extremely stupid. To think that she had miraculously came up with an antidote to cure a poison that took Sasori months of complete, yet she was still going to die by his hand. Chiyo-sama cried out as she fell to the ground, before attacking her grandson with a greater fury than before. She did not have the chakra needed to breathe life into Sakura even if she wanted to.

Indeed, both of them were well and truly fucked.

Sasori, on the other hand, was in quite a good mood. Not only did the Akatsuki pair take out their jinchuuriki, he had finally gotten rid of that annoying pink-haired brat. Honestly, a Chuunin against an S-rank missing-nin? Sure, she did have along with her an old lady who knew basic puppeting, but _really?_ The odds were so against them that he almost felt sorry for them.

But, of course, puppets did not have emotions (Unfortunately for Madara, that manipulative bastard). Team 7 was no match for him, with their tendency to attempt solving conflicts with diplomacy and riling up emotions, out of all things. Personally, Sasori held no grudge against them, nor any feeling of hatred for them destroying his precious puppets.

Puppets did not have emotions after all, and he was a puppet (Seriously, Hidan needed to stop with his threats of sacrificing him, for Sasori could always just rebuild himself, and would not feel pain from Hidan's jutsu). Sasori was tired of frequently having to explain that fact, especially when Kisame tried to rile him up by eating his burger or saying provocative things. Puppets did not eat, nor do they feel embarrassed.

Sasori sometimes felt that Akatsuki was made of more children than S-rank missing-nin. Sure, on the battle they could look all cool and scary, but once they were in the Akatsuki base? Bloody brats that throw immature tantrums and disrupt Sasori's peace.

"Sasori, I'm trying to fight you here, the least you could do is attack back!" Chiyo called out. He blearily opened up his eyes, and saw his puppet slamming her onto the cave walls back and forth like that one scene in the Avengers.

"I feel that my efforts are sufficient to deal with you, Chiyo."

"BRAT!"

With that, Chiyo did the impossible. She threw a large weapon straight at his chest, but not his heart. Sasori laughed at her, thinking her stupid for still believing that he wasn't actually a puppet, before he heard a beeping sound.

"Katsu!"

Sasori swore as he leapt towards Chiyo in a graceful lunge, feeling the bomb detonate and explode his heart and everything within a 15 foot radius. Chiyo tried to get away, but Sasori refused to go down without taking the old hag with him.

Sasori didn't feel very artistic, which proved Deidara wrong because fleeting art just sucked. Then again, puppets don't feel.(How many times does he have to remind hot-headed Deidara who explodes in anger during their arguments about what art is).

Well, he was dead now. In a fifteen year old body.

Seriously, if Sasori knew that he would be dead by 35, he wouldn't have bothered with making his body into a puppet. Normally when people think of immortal beings they think of hundreds of thousands years of history, not a middle aged man who was stuck in puberty.

* * *

Sasori's life sucked, and he knew it. He fell dead along with Chiyo, the remains of his body crumpling instantaneously. As he moved onto Heaven, he questioned, "Now what?" He was dead now, everything he worked for was void. His spy network was going to do a backflip into nonexistence, his puppets probably used as sex toys by Hidan (that bloody...), his poisons hidden away, never to be found. He believed in art being eternal, but seriously? Eternity sucked in limbo.

You know when you're queueing up at a long line for food, and no one you know is queueing around you, so you just try to distract yourself in the meantime? That was what Sasori did too. Or at least tried to.

Limbo was not scary like hell, nor was it pleasant like Heaven. It was just, the opposite of entertaining.

Hence, when offered a chance to haunt any place he wanted, Sasori accepted, yet he wanted to wait to pick the right person.

The right person? Deidara, because he deserves it for whining to Sasori everytime his explosions caused trouble. Go away, Deidara, no one cares about your clay breaking or that new figure of yourself you just made. If anyone deserves to have a statue made it should be for Sasori for putting up with everyone's bullshit.

Sasori flitted around with unrestricted movement around Limbo. He mused about the ease of travelling of a ghost that he should have tried mimicking when he was still alive. Nevertheless, he was still dead.

He peered into the numerous crystal balls, each labelled with a human that was alive. He decided to watch Deidara, Tobi/Madara, and Itachi's jinchuuriki Naruto.

Stupid Deidara, making his C4 was a joke. Art is eternal, after all. He forsaw seeing Deidara at Limbo in the near future. At least Deidara would go out with a bang like he always wanted.

Madara was... let's say that Sasori just realised how his entire life was going to be a lie if Madara's real plan was successful.

Naruto was a mess. Sasori wanted nothing to do with that bundle of emotions.

Then again, when dead, did ghosts have emotions? If Sasori was a puppet when alive was he a puppet when dead?

Looking down, he checked his pants and concluded that since the appendage that he saw no need for when making a puppet body was there, he was indeed not a puppet any longer.

Pity.

So who was he going to haunt? A fellow artist of course, preferably one with no emotions. In Naruto's life, he observed the emergence of an artist named Sai, whose emotions were forcefully taken away by ROOT and used ink ninjutsu. Perfect.

Sasori grabbed Sai's orb delicately and smashed it onto the ground.

* * *

Wait, he couldn't speak when dead? Bother.

"So, what Muppet is saying is, you can't speak but you're just bored in Limbo so you came here to haunt and observe me?"

 _Yes. And stop your insulting tone before I break all your brushes._

"And this ghost is threatening physical harm to my treasures. He must not have had a very important role when he was alive then."

 _I had a spy network that went across all the countries, keeping tabs on every one in the ninja world. I had a puppet body as well as 307 working puppets with top-notch poisons and deadly weapons built in. I was named Master of the Poisons and Puppets. Of course I am important._

"Doll boy couldn't have been that important if he's dead right now."

 _I made a mistake of haunting you, insolent boy. Even Orochimaru would have been more respectful than you, puny little ROOT agent."_

 _"_ Doll boy has regrets, how surprising. Anyways, I have no time or use for you, Doll boy, so keep quiet and don't bother me."

Sasori felt like the two were kindred souls in another universe, with such similar ways of thinking. Unfortunately, having a a clone of himself was not fun to talk to, especially with Sai's very unpolished way of speaking.

 _I hate my life, death and beyond. Just return me to Limbo already so I can irritate Deidara._

* * *

In the midst of detonating himself against Sasuke, Deidara sneezed.

 **FINALLY**

 **HIT**

 **10K**

 **I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT WHENEVER I FILTER MY STORIES I WILL ALWAYS FILTER FOR 10K WORDS AND NOW IT FITS THE CRITERIA**

 **CAN YOU TELL BY MY ALL CAPS HOW EXCITED I AM?**

 **But also, I need help with a decision.**

 **Should I leave all my chapter lengths as it is, combine two chapters into one, or combine all of them into the oneshot I've always thought about?**

 **I haven't completed this story yet, so please feel free to continue reviewing ideas!**


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